Coarsely Milled in Intervals

 

Near the site of the poem's pareidolia

INTERVALS has published a poem of mine called Coarsely Milled. Read and learn about how random food left on the sidewalk can inspire a work of art!

Two Poems in the Bitter Melon Review

 

Hello all, here are two poems to read on a Sunday summer evening:

After Fantastic Obsessions

And

Medium Trouble in Chinese Cottage, about an old Chinese place I used to visit on the Upper West of America's greatest island, Manhattan

"Don't Worry About the Background. Just Go for the Tonal Values"

Metphrastics a publication based on poems inspired by the art of the Metropolitan Museum of Art  has come out with its Summer 2025 issue

And wouldn't you know it, one of my poems is in it, called The Tonal Values. It's influenced by a painting from Edouard "Who is this Monet whose name sounds just like mine and who is taking advantage of my notoriety?" Manet, pictured here.

Scudding Along

 

Two poems of mine are in Scud. The first is based on a sketch by Edward Hopper at the Whitney. The second is based on a picture I took at a beer garden:

When Is a Door Not a Door

 When it's the current issue of:

That's right, I've got a poem in the latest issue of Door Is a Jar, thanks to editor Maxwell Bauman

Here it is at Barnes and Noble!

Two poems, in a journal in BARNES AND NOBLE

Writing from Scars

 

Two poems of mine are up at Scars.tv. One about the Manhattan Bridge, the other about furniture.

You Might Not Be Able to Handle These Poems

They are extremely not politically correct. Read them here.

 

I'll Be at a Reading in Time Square

UPDATE: I'll be part of a reading on Sunday, May 22, 2022. It is called "Poet Voice Sucks: Funny Poetry From Writers, Comedians & Actors" and is being put together by Christine Stoddard. Several poets and performers from the tri-state (try to guess which states) area will be involved. There will be only FUNNY poems. This might be the first time I've been mentioned in Eventbrite. 

Quote the Raven in its Cage: "Here's Your 5 Poems, Evermore"

Don't let the skulls put you off. I have five poems in issue 48 from Raven Cage Zine. Click on the link to read them. Another literary mention of Ditmas Park thanks to me. (Scroll down on issue 48 to see my works)

First is Not the Worst

New poems in the first edition of Flora Fiction.  Don't let the name fool you, there's plenty of poems in the journal. The second one is an older piece of work. I wrote it for a creative writing class at NYU. I don't remember what the specifics of the assignment were, but I used them to produced a work about the sights and sounds of Washington Square Park.

NYC POETRY FEST 2019

Come one, come all. Come to the New York City Poetry Festival. This year, as in years past, it's on Governor's Island. Unlike last year, this year I'll be reading with Quail Bell Magazine. Come hear us do LIVE readings at the Algonquin Stage at 5:30 on Saturday. The Festival will go on both Saturday and Sunday and it's FREE!

Go for a Ride on the Local Train

My poetry empire keeps expanding. Now I'm published in Bangladesh. Read the latest issue of Local Train Magazine in order to read my poem in it.



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Three Poems in Two Journals

Three poems to add to the collection of published works by yours truly. One is in Cacti Fur and is about a view in Harlem I haven't seen in nearly a year. Two more are in Local Nomad. The recent issue is themed around the concept of temp work and the precariat experience. 

The Beer Blogpost: A Review of the South Brooklyn Beer Book

A used Beer Book in the wild

Call me Christopher Columbus, for I have just gotten back from an expedition, exploring and discovering lands already established and populated. No wait, that’s not good. Nobody should be called Christopher Columbus. Unless they like genocide, slavery, and writing confused tracts about religion, How about Chris Columbus? For I was home alone, lost in New York, except not the Island of Manhattan, but the Brooklyn portion of the Long Island that nestles up to it like a serpent coming out of the sea. Yes, that’ll do for comparisons.

However, like Columbus I had my Marco Polo’s guide that I was trying to follow. Instead of spices, I was seeking suds spread out among the rumored bars, pubs, and taverns of Southern Brooklyn. The name of this guide? The Brooklyn Beer Book, specifically the one for Zone 2. That is, for bars in Brooklyn below Atlantic Avenue. However, it is no ordinary guide that gives you a list of places to go and their addresses where they might be found. No. That would be what this blogpost is for.

For $30, you get 30 coupons, each one entitles you to a drink at the bars listed. That’s right. 30 beers for $30, and all you have to do is a little bit of walking to get them, well, that plus using the subway, the bus, or the car service of your choice. The coupons aren’t all the same. Some can be redeemed for any beer at the bar listed. Some can only be redeemed for a beer up to a certain dollar value. Tip is obviously not included. There’s no fancy magic involved. You just rip off one of the coupons in the booklet and hand it to the bartender.

The bars are spread out across lower Kings County, which does discourage bar crawls among the timid. However, I am not one of them. While there are establishments in the beer book located in many of the far-flung areas, most of my adventures occurred in a few clusters of bars, that formed constellations of discounted inebriation. One was centered around the Gowanus Canal, another was grouped around 5th Avenue in park Slope, and yet another was located near Franklin Avenue. But there were exceptions, with bars on Coney Island, Sunset Park, or in Bay Ridge.

With that said, here are the bars I encountered as the result of 2018’s Beer Book. I visited them between August and December of 2018. Who knows what the 2019 version will contain?

Abilene (442 Court St, Brooklyn, NY 11231) – A retro looking spot with outdoor seating and plenty of decent beers on tap. It’s lively and feels like a part of the community. Friendly staff and interesting light fixtures. They have Genesee Cream Ale, which is nice. I went there while doing a pub crawl before a Chapo Trap House show at the Bell House.

The Adirondack (1241 Prospect Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11218) – Nestled in Windsor Terrace, this bar has an interesting New York state theme, which is fitting with its name. A rustic look with rustic paintings. I went there late in the summer. It was nearly empty when I went in, but then it filled up with the teachers of a nearby school, looking to blow off steam from training and have one last hurrah before the start of the school year.

Making cider

Bad Seed (2936, 585 Franklin Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11238) – This is where all the bad apples go. This bar is centered around cider! Specifically, the ciders of the Hudson River Valley. A crisp and refreshing spot in Brooklyn.

Bar Cord (1008 Cortelyou Rd, Brooklyn, NY 11218) – This is one of my main watering spots. The other is Sycamore, where you can buy flowers for your loved one, or if you’re alone, for your beer. But back to Bar Cord! Ditmas Park’s best bar, when it comes to live music! They have a nice jukebox, Afro-Cuban bands, and free pretzels. It gets crowded on Saturday nights, especially if the band’s good, so come early.

Berg’n (899 Bergen St, Brooklyn, NY 11238) – A large bar that’s almost like a warehouse. I don’t know if it was at one point. Big with families and the brunch crowd because it has lots of tables and seating. It also has several counters serving food, much like a small food court.

Building on Bond (112 Bond St, Brooklyn, NY 11217) – I went here as part of a pub crawl after the Kavanaugh hearings. The place is whimsical and it has one of the nicer bathrooms I’ve been in, which is no small feat among the Bars of this or any other borough.

Canal Bar (270 3rd Ave # A, Brooklyn, NY 11215) – I went here as part of my Chapo Trap House pub crawl. A survivor, just like me after that night. It’s a holdover from the way the neighborhood used to be, which was industrial, polluted, and put the “anus” and “anal” in Gowanus Canal. The bartenders and the customers are close and there’s popcorn for the taking. There’s a TV too, and I watched an episode of Fresh Off the Boat without any sound.

Cebu (8801 3rd Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11209) – An okay place, I guess. Not really a bar as much as a restaurant that happens to have a bar attached.

The Commissioner (247 5th Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11215) – A narrow place that’s geared for sports viewing. I guess it’s an okay standard bar. I don’t remember much. This was at the end of my Kavanaugh pub crawl.

Coney Island Brewery (1904 Surf Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11224) – An interesting place. It’s a bar attached to an actual brewery. The brewery is near the beach and the amusement parks. I went there on a December night though, so it was kinda weird, the only light on at the end of Surf Avenue. If I went during the day, I’m sure I could’ve taken a tour.

Covenhoven (730 Classon Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11238) – A cool little bar that specializes in European beers. On a good day, it’s a delightful place to sit, either in the backyard, or near the street, looking at the leaves changing color, or the flowers coming in, depending on the season (or saison).

Not to be confused with Faulkner, though I'm sure he would've dug it

Fawkner (191 Smith St, Brooklyn, NY 11201) – A favorite of mine. I’ve been there before the coupon book led me there. Again, it was part of the Kavanaugh Crawl, BUT I remembered it vividly. It has a stuffed Ram overlooking the bar! There’s wooden alcoves to sit in and plot! In the back, it’s like being in an old time British club, with oil paintings and chairs with green leather upholstery! What more can you want from a bar?

Franklin 820 (820 Franklin Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11225) – An aptly named bar, maybe the most aptly named. I can vouch for the food here. I had the macaroni and cheese, which was good. The staff were friendly and the music was good. They played a bunch of songs from the late 90s that made me feel like I was at a middle school dance. But this time I got to drink.

Freddy’s Bar and Backroom (627 5th Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11215) – A hidden gem, at least from the street. Esquire Magazine called it “one of the best bars in America.” It’s an eclectic, crazy place, that’s vibrant even when you’re by yourself on a Saturday afternoon. Freddy’s Bar has the kind of décor that TGI Friday’s wishes it could have. Lots of old time art, statues, strange devices, and my favorite, a friggin’ fish tank. You never drink alone when you drink with a fish tank.

Greenwood Park (555 7th Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11215) – This bar used to be a gas station and has a mechanical feel to it. Out front they were selling Christmas trees when I was there. It’s a community institution of sorts, and you pass a giant cemetery while going there.

Halyards (406 3rd Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11215) – I went here to start the Chapo Trap House pub crawl (not affiliated with the Chapo Trap House Podcast). It has rooms with a kind of nautical theme in the back, where you can play pool, if you are so inclined. I encountered a lot of pool tables on my way through the bars of Lower Brooklyn. I didn’t play with any of them, either according to the standard rules of the game, or using the balls and cues in fun, new, and obscene ways.

High Dive (243 5th Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11215) – Yeah, I went here for the Kavanaugh Crawl. I remembered neon lights, bright lights, people in the back laughing, laughing and a bathroom with a chalkboard (and chalk) where I kept writing “we are using our skins for wallpaper and we cannot win.”

Irish Haven (5721 4th Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11220) – A classic old school mid-century bar. Of course, it has an Irish theme. Nothing too excessive. When you go into the men’s room, there’s no leprechaun staring at you. There was a drunk, bloated guy at the bar who looked like Steve Bannon, but with a beard. The bartender called him a car to take him home. So you know they take care of you there. The decor is simple, but sturdy, the beer is cheap, and there’s a pool table in the back to pass out on.

Kimoto Rooftop (216 Duffield St, Brooklyn, NY 11201) – This bar is the highest one on the list. It’s on top of a hotel in Downtown Brooklyn. It’s got a fun view, but was a little too hip for me.

The Kings Beer Hall (84 St Marks Pl, Brooklyn, NY 11217) – This German themed bar is on St. Marks Place in Brooklyn, not Manhattan. They have plenty of German brews in giant mugs and German dishes. It’s much bigger inside than it looks from the street. Which again, is in Brooklyn and not Manhattan. There’s lots of games for people to play, including darts. From time to time the place hosts the Simpsons Trivia Night, which I’ve been to there before.

Krupa Grocery (231 Prospect Park West, Brooklyn, NY 11215) – This bar and eatery were built on an old grocery, hence the name. The place is nice, good for brunch, I imagine. I didn’t eat there.

Lavender Lake (383 Carroll St, Brooklyn, NY 11231) – This bar is close to the Gowanus Canal, and it represents the way the area has transformed itself. It reminded me of a scene from an Impressionist painting. It’s got an extensive and sophisticated beer and drinks menu, which me being me, found intimidating. I can’t remember what I got. I think I just sucked on a napkin that soaked up various beers on the bar counter. A moist smorgasbord.

Lowlands Bar (543 3rd Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11215) – A good, solid bar. Enough said.

Midwood Flats (577 Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11226) – A rustic chic bar, as some might say. It’s packed on Saturday nights. It’s a gastropub, although I didn’t find the menu all the appetizing. But I didn’t actually eat the food, so I can’t say who it was. Maybe nachos made with potato chips are in fact good, and not just something I would create at home for myself out of kitchen odds and ends after a night of heavy drinking.

The Monro Pub (481 5th Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11215) – We’ve had Irish Bars and German Bars, here is a British Bar! Or pub, I guess. Unlike the others though, it actually acts as a cultural embassy of sorts. It serves British food and shows British sports. I don’t really follow this and that FC, but it’s nice that those who do have a place to go to.

The Montrose (47 5th Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11217) – So many bars on 5th Avenue! I could go back and just do 5th Avenue all over again, and add bars I haven’t been to yet. This bar is convenient for people going to the Barclay’s Center for a game or a show. I forget what was going on the night I was there, but everyone else was definitely waiting for it to happen. Maybe…I was the show.

I think this was the way to the bathroom at Robert Bar

Robert Bar (104 Bond St, Brooklyn, NY 11217) – This bar is from another time, a past that never existed and a future that has yet to come. There was something Ridley Scott-esque about it, or perhaps Kubrickian. While I was there, I was surrounded by couples, and I had the eerie feeling they were looking for a third.

Skylark Bar 477 5th Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11215) – A retro bar with an aesthetic that I’d describe as “late Ford Administration.” There’s furniture and paintings from estate sales and thrift stores, and a fine selection of beers (thankfully that’s not stuck in the past, with nothing but Pabst). It’s like drinking at your grandmother’s before or after Thanksgiving dinner, but without having to deal with the rest of your family.

Strong Rope Brewery (574 President St, Brooklyn, NY 11215) – A family-run taproom. It’s less a bar, and more of a tasting room.

Ugly Duckling, or UglyDuckling? (166 Smith St, Brooklyn, NY 11201) – Now last, and maybe the least. I didn’t get much out of this place, but it might’ve been the time I was there. It was a weird time in the afternoon and they were moving things around to get ready for the dinner rush. Then again, the true Brooklyn Bar worthy of respect, is always open and ready for its drinkers

Well, that’s it. Those are the bars of lower Brooklyn from the Beer Book. Overall, I think it was a nice thing to do, I don’t think I’d do it again next year. It was hard getting around to all of them because of the way the trains are arranged here. You can’t go crosstown without difficulty. Or I might try the Beer Book for upper Brooklyn, above Atlantic Avenue. I wonder if half the bars are just in Williamsburg.

The Future Is Nice

I got a thing, you got a thing, everybody's got a thing...but not everybody's got a thing in Quail Bell. Enjoy a piece of hybrid absurdity that mixes the real and the unreal, the ethereal of the promise and the mundane of the product.

Hear Oh Audience, the Sound of My Poems!

Listen to Alexander Smith read several poems of mine on Creative Writing Out Loud. You won't get to hear my voice, in case you were wondering what I sound like. Work from Richard King Perkins II is also featured. Yes, one is about PowerPoint.

Finds and Observations 6/24 to 6/26

I hope by making it small enough, it isn't obscene.

Room in Rome is a terrible fucking movie. Literally. I looked it up on Wikipedia and surprise, surprise, a movie about Lesbians that fails to stimulate, educate, or even titillate was made by a man. Not only that, the same man, wrote, produced, directed, and EDITED the film. So there was no one reining him in. He was probably the caterer too. It wasn't even filmed in Rome!

I found a few interesting things in the city yesterday. The first was a twenty year old syllabus for a film studies class at NYU. I came across it at a Goodwill. It was tucked inside of a tome on film criticism. It is interesting to read because it shows how just a few years ago everything was different for students. There was no internet, no DVDs, and no expectation of using a computer and printer. In one assignment, the professor, Joy Gould Boyum, tells the students to keep the carbons because they won't get their essay back until the end of the semester. Carbons! I could also tell the syllabus was originally typewritten then xeroxed. The smudges on the letters give it away. Since the class was in 1996, I imagine she got twenty papers on Pulp Fiction for the final.

Oh, so much progress we've made since then! On the other hand we still have a Clinton running for president.

I also found a ticket for Eastern Airlines tucked inside of a book the library was selling for a dollar. The book looked like a Dave Barry knockoff, a lament by one of the early baby-boomers about how Elvis was great and the Beatles ruined everything in a frothy over the top style that hides a serious bitter core. Anyway, the ticket was at least 25 years old since the airline went out of business in 1991. What I found fascinating was the lack of personal information on the ticket. There was no name, nothing. Anybody could've used it to board a plane.

Ah, the innocence that was pre-9/11 America. I'm starting to sound like the author...

And finally, the final find. A kid's book by Eugene Ionesco.

Gawker's Best Article

I know Gawker filing for bankruptcy has brought out a good deal of Schadenfreude among the commentariat, however I think it's important to remember that Gawker has occasionally run a good article or two.

Forays into Film Criticism

Hey everybody, I wrote some film reviews. Quail Bell was kind enough to publish them. In theory I'm their "New York Correspondent." Hopefully more work will be forthcoming from this position. I plan to review all kinds of things, from books to movies to food. One of these reviews is for the movie Queen of Heaven, the other is the zombie flick Cooties. I'm trying to focus on the conditions of watching the film itself, as well as what's on the silver screen.

Uptown 1 Poetry

This cat is apparently the editor in chief

Hey guys, I got several poems for you to read in the inaugural issue of Uptown 1. One poem was based on a painting by Adolph Gottlieb. Try to guess which one (the poem not the picture).