Satellites of Love, I Mean Poetry

 

Moss Trill has published another poem by me. This one is called Satellites. If you scroll down you can read the last poem I published there, Good Day, Applicant.

Short Story Time

Bored with too much time on your hands this weekend? Go over to the Potato Soup Journal and read a short story I wrote. It's called "I Mustache You a Question."

On My Mustache

I have a mustache. I don't hide it, I keep it out in the open. When one has a mustache, one has little choice. From time to time the mustache gets some company in the form of a beard. Usually though, it sits all alone on my upper lip. It's a conversation starter, of sorts. Lately I've been noticing differences in how people talk to me about my follicle creation. For instance, Men like to preface any kind of mustache-related conversation by asking me how long it took me to grow it. Women, as a whole, seem less interested. I suppose men who are in awe of the mustache want to know what kind of effort is need, how patient they have to be. Many of them will admit they wish they had the chops to grow what I have. Perhaps it's one of the few jealousies I inspire in anyone.

For women, it's different. there's little interest in knowing the time it took to grow my whiskers. That's fine, sense I'm not really sure myself. I grew a beard in 2007 and shaved it all off on Halloween, save for the mustache. Philosophically speaking, one could make the argument I never grew a mustache at all, I only grew a beard. This would ignore the original definition of a beard. A person can grow one without have a mustache. Abraham Lincoln is probably the best example of this. These days, it's implied though, that to have a beard means having a mustache. Neckbeards are the exception keeping facial hair originalism alive, I guess.

Women tend to make reference to someone else with a mustache, usually a figure from pop culture. There was a point where a lot of the comparisons involved Ron Burgundy. Inevitably, the specter of 1970s porn stars came up. I never got a Tom Selleck reference, but I used to glean allusions to Daniel Plainview or Bill the Butcher. Around the 2010s, Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec took over and for several years after I couldn't go out to a bar or a party without someone (most of the time, a woman) comparing me to him. I took it in stride, since he's generally considered a fine character on the show, our political disagreements notwithstanding.

So I'd make a reference to Duke Silver, or eating all the bacon and eggs, and that would please people. After Parks and Rec went off the air, mentions of Ron Swanson dropped off. It made sense, he was no longer on television. Thankfully, nobody called me John Bolton, who probably sets his mustache using the blood of dead Iraqis. Or former Trump attorney Ty Cobb . In fact, people generally left me and my mustache alone through most of 2015 to 2017. It was able to exist on its own terms, without inviting a comparison to another famous mustache.

However, that's changed. In the past couple of weeks, I've been getting Ron Swanson references all over again. It's weird and it took me a while to figure out what was going on. Why now? Of all times, would he be making some sort of comeback? Then it hit me. The current political climate (which has also been hitting a lot of people literally lately) explains it. People, especially young women, are binge watching Parks and Rec the way Liberals watched The West Wing during the Bush years. It's a coping mechanism, especially since Leslie Knope and Hilary Clinton are spiritually linked as characters (and Amy Poehler has played both).

Inevitably, watching Parks and Rec for Leslie Knope means seeing a lot of Ron Swanson. Seeing him, makes one think of his mustache. Then seeing me, makes him the easiest reference point. I guess going forward, I can judge the state of the country and its level of despair by how many references I get to Ron. The fewer, the better. Maybe in some far off glorious day, I will be getting compared to Randy Bryce instead of Ron.

Yamamoto-ing the Alt-Right, or Theses on the future of the Alt-Right Under the Trump Administration

1) The Alt-Right threw themselves behind a narcissist who doesn't give a shit about their ideas or ideology

2) At the same time it's presence has begun to mobilize the sleeping giantess of the opposition.

3) It leaves them exposed with nowhere to go and no one to protect them now that they've come out of the woodwork.

4) They're going to be nostalgic for the days of "PC Culture" and SJWs, when would-be radicals spent their time arguing about pop culture online. They never realized that things they hate so much were just fly traps for the Left. Now they've gotten them off the internet and into the streets* and the Alt-Right is going to realize just how small they are in reality. Couldn't happen to a nicer group of people.

* I think that when historians look at this period, they will see things starting to change with BLM, but accelerating under Trump. Trump is, after all, an Accelerationist's wet dream.

Gawker's Best Article

I know Gawker filing for bankruptcy has brought out a good deal of Schadenfreude among the commentariat, however I think it's important to remember that Gawker has occasionally run a good article or two.

Super Tuesday Prayer

Come bring in the results, Super Tuesday bless us
With data, every single point and poll,
Help us color in the map, so we may know
Where our friends and enemies lie across the land,
Those towns and counties filled
With patriots and likewise political geniuses,
As well as the gulches and gullies
Populated by the cretins who can only use
Their opposable thumbs to oppose a righteous cause
But most of all, Super Tuesday, help us know
What desires and dreams are out there
In a country we have only heard rumors from,
Trade in every empty white space for blue and red,
And please, refrain from confusing us with any purple
Or results which bring no conclusion,
Just the cliffhanger of things being too close to call.

Funeral Parlors and Facial Hair

Part two of my short story Chaplinesque is up at Squawk Back. It was serialized and this was the final half of the tale. Here is the link to the first part and the second. Another poem is up at Literary Kicks, and it even has poetic responses written underneath.

I also wrote a new post up at my other blog. Hopefully I will get a job soon so I can have something else to write about. I'd like to have the money so I can start writing about looking for an apartment.

Shaking my Fist at Mat Black

Apologies for any confusion with Matt Black. I have two poems in the current issue of Boston's Shakefist Magazine, and two up at Mat Black Online. Read 'em and enjoy. If you want to weep, well stay away from your keyboards.

A Leaf on a Stray Branch

Well, not much else to report on the home front but another venue to observe my poetry is up. The Stray Branch can be viewed here, or it can be purchased here. I am on page 58-59. That's right, I'm spread out.

Other than that, it is a beautiful day out, which I only enjoy briefly while going to get the mail. I'm tired from the weekend still, a mammoth of a trip to Columbia Heights and back, along with chemical excursions into the unknown. But I am recovering. Eggs and coffee always helps. I did some calculations and I realized it's been 7 months since my last hair cut. To be fair, the last time I had my hair cut I also had everything shaves, including a nascent beard.

Now, I am back to looking Biblical.